June 21, 2017
The last two days have been an amazing journey on many levels for Jaleena and me in learning, spiritual, and personal insight. I’m so thankful for my daughter! So thankful I came to tears yesterday! I’m thankful for her autism! It makes her stand apart from the crowd! I’m thankful for who she is and I can’t wait to see what she’s going to do in this life! She’s beautiful inside and out and to the core of her soul and it’s so very real and refreshing! Autistics have a hard time of being fake and THAT is a beautiful thing!
There’s judgement and discernment. Discernment is wise and necessary. Judgement is hateful and usually not based on truth.
“I don’t like fake people.” I have a dear friend who made this statement yesterday afternoon and it resonates deeply with me because I used to be fake.
It’s a bit hard for me to state that out loud. I walked a walk. I talked a talk. I tried to be “normal” when inside I was falling apart from events in my childhood and choices I had made directly in relation to those events. I’ve recently come to grips with that in a profound way. I’ll go into that in other posts.
In relationships, do you ever feel like you keep doing the same thing hoping that you’ll get different results this time around? Sometimes? Me too. We all give people more chances and that’s okay. It goes wrong when we just keep letting bad treatment go worse and still we’re hoping they’ll change. Relationships never change until the people change. Those relationships may change through being cut off to merely fading away from, or in, a relationship. That relationship would take a different shape if one of the two individuals would make good changes such as better choices.
One thing I know, from much hard experience and self education, when a person starts coming across as haughty and treating you as an inferior, just cut that off! RUN. Don’t even stop to ask why. GET. AWAY. It doesn’t matter who it is. They. Will. Never. Change.
Sure, everyone can have a bad day, PMS, etc but, when change in this form comes, when it’s done on a consistent basis and when everything you see and hear tries to portray something this person is not, RUN. Don’t go there any further. Hit the brake lights. Make a U-turn. The morphing from someone being who you thought they were into something you don’t like or hurts you is a red light! A detour sign. It’s a “The Bridge Is Out” sign!
Hopefully this would never happen in your marriage. There are ways to make relatively certain you know what your getting before you marry someone but, even then, life events can change people – and they can’t see it. Life events can happen that your spouse can allow to change them in not so good ways or in ways they can’t help. They may forget they have a choice. You can explain, plead. It doesn’t usually work. They can’t see the change. Decisions have to made at that point. “…For better, for worse…in sickness and in health…” Did you mean that? Sometimes this isn’t a deal breaker. You just bear through because you love that person and you wait. Maybe they have something going on you don’t know about. Yes, that can happen in a marriage. No doubt some of you have experienced this.
Sometimes this change turns abusive, violent, or results in extramarital affairs. These, in my opinion, are deal breakers in marriage. Your religious stance dictates what will happen when you separate.
But I digress.
Sometimes cutting off a relationship is very hard. It doesn’t matter if it’s an abusive spouse that you love the good part of and keep hoping that good part will come back and stay, a sibling who discards you because of your past and won’t take the time to get to know the present you and even though you’ve apologized and tried to make amends,
or other family members who discard you because you leave the family’s religious heritage. These are hard ties to cut because of the bonds that have been forged in oath and blood, respectively. Then, there’s the dear friend that has turned into something that breaks your heart – when they’ve become something they say they hated – when they’re running from you so you can’t see what they’re getting into but you know anyway – when they reveal the real them – when they are trying to be holier than thou.
Fake. It causes so much damage.
Become what you genuinely want to be. You’re never too old and it’s never too late. I’m 51.
Copyright Lynn Ferrell June 2017